TL;DR: As maid of honor, you own three pre-wedding events: the bridal shower (host 6–8 weeks out, ~$15–40 per guest), the bachelorette (plan 2–4 months out, set a clear per-person budget), and dress fittings + rehearsal logistics (coordinate with the bride and bridesmaids). Everything else — décor, gifts, speeches — flows from those three.

Direct answer

Your job isn't to plan the wedding. It's to plan the events around it and keep the bride sane while she plans the wedding. Concretely, the maid of honor is responsible for:

• Hosting or co-hosting the bridal shower (often with the bride's mother or sister)
• Organizing the bachelorette party (you lead, bridesmaids contribute)
• Coordinating bridesmaid logistics — dresses, fittings, group gift, day-of timing
• Giving a toast at the rehearsal dinner or reception
• Being the bride's day-of point person for small problems she shouldn't have to solve

If you do those five things well, you've nailed the role. Everything else is optional.

Practical sections

The bridal shower (6–8 weeks before the wedding)

Co-host with the bride's mother, sister, or another close family member if possible — it splits the cost and the work.

• Guest list: comes from the bride. Only invite people who are also invited to the wedding.
• Budget: $15–40 per guest is typical for food, drinks, decor, and favors. A 20-person shower runs $400–800.
• Format: brunch at someone's home is the cheapest and most common. Restaurant private rooms run $50–80 per head.
• Invites: send 4–6 weeks out, paper or digital both fine.
• Games: pick two, max. Most guests tolerate them rather than enjoy them.

The bachelorette (plan 2–4 months out, hold 2–8 weeks before the wedding)

This is where most MOH stress comes from. Solve it with one early decision: set the per-person budget before you pick the destination.

• Send a survey to the bride's chosen attendees with: budget ceiling, available weekends, and travel willingness.
• Pick the destination based on what most people answered, not the loudest voice.
• The bride's costs are typically split among attendees — be explicit about this upfront.
• Build a shared expense tracker (Splitwise works) from day one.
• Typical totals: $300–600/person for a domestic weekend, $800–1,500+ for a destination trip.

Dress and bridesmaid coordination

You're the buffer between the bride and the bridesmaids on logistics:

• Dress shopping: organize one group trip if possible; otherwise circulate the link and size chart.
• Order deadlines: bridesmaid dresses need 12–16 weeks for production plus 4–6 weeks for alterations. Push the group to order on time.
• Group gift: collect $30–75 per bridesmaid for a joint gift to the bride (often jewelry, a robe, or honeymoon contribution).
• Day-of timeline: make sure every bridesmaid knows hair/makeup call times, transportation, and where to be when.

The toast (3–5 minutes, max)

Write it 2–3 weeks out, not the night before. Structure that always works:

1. Who you are and how you know the bride (30 seconds)
2. One specific story that shows who she is (90 seconds)
3. What changed when she met her partner (60 seconds)
4. Toast to the couple (15 seconds)

Practice out loud three times. Skip inside jokes that won't land with grandparents.

Day-of role

You hold the emergency kit (safety pins, stain remover, blotting paper, bobby pins, Tylenol, snacks, deodorant), help with the dress and bustle, and absorb small problems before they reach the bride. That's it.

Build your MOH plan in one place

WeddingBot.ai gives you a shared dashboard for the shower budget, bachelorette planning poll, dress order deadlines, and your toast draft — so you're not running it all from a group chat and your notes app.

Start a free MOH planning workspace →

Related pages

• Bridal Party and Pre-Wedding Events: Full Guide
• Bridal Party Pre-Wedding Events Checklist
• Bridal Party Etiquette
• Toast and Invitation Wording Examples
• Wedding Budget Guide

FAQ

Who pays for the bridal shower?

The hosts pay — traditionally that's the maid of honor and the bridesmaids, often with the bride's mother or sister chipping in. The bride never pays. If costs are tight, co-hosting with family is the standard fix and reduces each person's share to $50–150.

Does the maid of honor pay for the whole bachelorette?

No. You organize and front-load deposits, but costs are split among all attendees. The bride's portion (lodging, meals, activities) is typically divided among the bridesmaids. Be explicit about this in the first invite so no one is surprised.

How far in advance should I plan the bachelorette?

Start 3–4 months out if it involves travel, 6–8 weeks out for a local night. Flights and group lodging book up fast, and bridesmaids need lead time to request work off and budget for it. Hold the actual event 2–8 weeks before the wedding — not the weekend before.

What if a bridesmaid can't afford the bachelorette?

Talk to her privately and offer options: she joins for one night, skips the optional activities, or sits out without judgment. Never pressure anyone, and never make the bride pick up the difference. A scaled-down plan that everyone can attend beats an expensive trip with half the group missing.

Do I have to give a toast?

Yes — it's expected of the maid of honor at either the rehearsal dinner or the reception. Coordinate with the best man so you're not repeating each other. Keep it under 5 minutes, write it in advance, and end with a clear "raise your glass to" line.

What's in a day-of emergency kit?

Safety pins, sewing kit, double-sided fashion tape, stain remover wipes, blotting paper, bobby pins, hair ties, deodorant, mints, Tylenol, Band-Aids, tampons, snacks, a phone charger, and a small bottle of water. Pack it in a tote you can grab with one hand.

When should the bride's dress fitting happen, and do I go?

Final fitting is usually 1–2 weeks before the wedding, with 2–3 fittings starting around 8–10 weeks out. The MOH typically attends the final fitting to learn the bustle — you'll be the one fastening it during the reception, so practice it in front of the seamstress.

Sources

• The Knot 2024 Real Weddings Study
• WeddingWire Newlywed Report 2024
• Brides.com Bridal Party Cost Survey

Get started

Build your shower budget, bachelorette poll, and toast draft in one shared workspace your bridesmaids can actually follow. create_free_account